I See Dead Communists

So I finally got to see a man who has been dead for over 45 years and here is how it went, exclusive pictures and all…

I Saw A Dead Communist And I’m Not Gonna Lie, It Was A Little Weird

So after trying to go and see Ho Chi Minh’s body 3 times previously at the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum in Hanoi, I finally made it on a day when he was a) allowing visitors and b) wasn’t in Russia getting ‘maintained’. In case you weren’t aware that Ho Chi Minh was actually a man and not just a city, you can read all about this legendary Communist leader right here. Basically he was a Vietnamese revolutionary Communist leader who led Vietnam against both the French and the Americans, and is pretty much worshipped by all of Vietnam. He is a big deal. His face is on all the money as you can see here:

vietamese-dong

He died in 1969 and his wish was to be cremated and then have his ashes scattered in the north, centre and south of the country to symbolise Vietnam’s reunification. How lovely. I imagine Vietnam (don’t ask me who specifically) was like “yeah, no worries Uncle Ho mate. We’ll cremate you and scatter your ashes wherever you want mate…yeah cool, just write it down in biro pen on this napkin so we have it on record”…but then as Uncle Ho left the room, the person in question probably ate the napkin. It probably tasted pretty bad, but they did it for the good of the people right? Hmmm, not sure about that one. By the way, as I am probably sure you are aware, this is all a fictional set of events created by myself that may or may not be true. I’m not saying it happened but well, you know….*wink, wink, nudge. nudge*…it could have…

Why Do You Look So Radioactive Uncle Ho?

So I enter the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum and we all shuffle along two by two to see the body of a man who has been dead for over 45 years. 45 years. Forty-five years. That’s almost one and a half times my age! Let’s just think about that for a moment. A man who did nothing but his best to liberate his country, and whose dying wish was to be cremated, is still very much in one piece 45 years AFTER he passed away and on show for the whole world to see. Well except North Koreans (amongst others) because they lack that little thing that most of us like to call ‘freedom’.

President Ho Chi Minh With Gymnastics and SportsHo Chi Minh apparently did gymnastics AND sports. Both of which can be seen in the photo above. Kinda. Well…not really. Maybe he thinks he is surfing?

So as I approach the room where his body is being held I notice from afar that there appears to be two orange glowing things inside a glass box. “What’s that?” I think to myself. As I enter the room I realise that it is in fact Uncle Ho himself in person! It was his hands resting on his body with bright orange lights shining on them. Now this is something that I also noticed when I went to China to see Mao‘s dead body.

A Bit About Another Dead Radioactive-Looking Communist – Mao

When I was in China I went to Mao’s mausoleum. As we entered the room where his body was being held I wasn’t sure at first whether it was him, or just a wax figure put in place as some kind of tribute to prepare us for the ‘real thing’. He didn’t look real and he had bright orange lights cast upon his face, which made him glow like he had been in some sort of radioactive accident. Not dissing, just stating a fact!

Back To Uncle Ho…

So as I notice that Uncle Ho is also glowing orange, I realised why…you could tell that his skin was actually extremely pale, white even. And so they have obviously cast this orange light upon his face and hands to give his skin some kind of colourful glow. Otherwise he would just look like a dead body. Which he is. Well that’s my take on the whole thing anyway. Maybe I’m wrong and it is actually desirable in Vietnam to be naturally orange. Like most of the cast in TOWIE! Maybe they all love TOWIE out here and I have just never noticed. This is entirely possible. Sort of.

As I was walking around the body, the armed guards seemed to enjoy pulling me by the arm and telling me to keep moving, even though I was already moving. I don’t know whether I was moving at the wrong speed or walking in the wrong place, but I was just following exactly what everyone else was doing! They are probably bored of just standing there all day. Maybe it’s a game that they play? ‘Tug on the white man’s arm and point at the floor in front of him’. Sounds like a fun game. Maybe I will try playing it one day. Maybe we should all try playing it. We will only know if it’s fun if we try it first. Let’s all have fun together playing the ‘pull arm, point to floor’ game!

Anyway, here is an artist’s (me, the artist yep) impression of what the whole thing looks like, as we weren’t allowed to take pictures!:

Inside The Ho Chi Min Mausoleum - An Artist's Impression

It looked pretty much exactly like the above picture. So now you’ve seen that, you may as well not bother going for yourself.

So as I continue to walk around Ho Chi Minh’s dead body, I can’t help thinking that this was not what he wanted. Add to that the fact that he does look reeeaaaallly old, pale, slightly radioactive, and is surrounded by arm pulling guards, I would say that the whole experience was a strange one.

So that pretty much wraps up my experience of seeing a famous man’s dead body. Next I’ll head off to Russia to see Lenin where I will no doubt have a similarly bizarre experience.

Before I say those final words, here are a few more…:

…Hilarious Photos That You Would Only Find In Asia

Under Construction Keep Out Or Enter Whatever

Should I keep out or should I enter?! ARGH, brain hurts!

Apple Lighter wtf-2

It’s true…it CAN give birth to wisdom. I think. Well I’m not sure really. Let me just take a minute to try and understand what it actually means….Baby inside egg, need I say more-2

30, 000 is quite frankly a bargain for this photo! Whether it’s dong, dollars or whatever, I’ll take two! I want a massive picture of a baby in an egg shell surrounded by hatching chicks on my wall. Immediately!Ho Chi Minh Presidential Palace Bridge Not Stop On Bridge 02-2It is important to not stop on the bridge. But maybe it is also important to not read the sign?

Patrick out…!